Self-acceptance

It's been a while since I have blogged about my weight loss.  That should clue you into the fact that there has been NO weight loss in quite some time.  At the beginning of last summer, I had lost 30 pounds while following the Jenny Craig diet plan.  It's been about 9 months since then and I, unfortunately, have gained all but 4 pounds back.

I've been trying to figure out how I feel about this.  I'm kind of wishy-washy about it, to be honest.  Of course, it is not good that I have gained weight and I am not happy about it but I really don't seem too bothered by it either.  When I first started Jenny Craig, I was miserable.  I was completely disgusted by myself and at an all-time low, self-esteem-wise.  Now, I am pretty much at the same weight I was then but I feel much better about myself.  Crazy, huh?

I know I should lose weight.  I know I am not at a healthy weight.  I know I should work harder.  I know.  I know.  I KNOW.  But, truth be told, I don't really want to right now.  Call me content.  Call me lazy.  I'm just not into dieting and exercising at the moment and, if I'm not feelin' it, it's not gonna happen.

I really think God has been leading me to be more accepting of myself, flaws and all.  I know He doesn't want me to be unhealthy but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm supposed to be this big forever!  I just feel more comfortable with myself now and that peace can only come from Him.

I'm slowly getting motivated again.  I'm starting to do Zumba through my Xbox Kinect and, occasionally, I make myself get on the treadmill while Mackenzie is at swim practice.  I can't stand the thought of "dieting" or watching every bite I take for the rest of my life so, I figure, it's best if I get active first.  Once exercise is more of a habit, I'll tackle my food issues.  It's been a life-long battle of mine and I don't want to battle it any more but I know I can't be a sloth forever.  I truly want to be active and healthy.  I just don't think "active and healthy" necessarily means I have to be a size 2, 6, or even 10.

This isn't meant to be a Debbie Downer post or a pity post at all.  Seriously, I am fat and happy right now.  I'm just trying to kick myself in the arse and get myself motivated to do more.  I believe it's always a good thing to grow and improve yourself whenever you can, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons.

God loves me unconditionally.  So do Scott, my family, and, hopefully, my friends. ;-) I even love myself, flab and all.  But if I could lose the big roll around my mid-section, I'd be even more content with myself.  I'm just sayin...